I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
