Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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