Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
