He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
