I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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