I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
