Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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