I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize