so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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