there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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