My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
