I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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