The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
