Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
