Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
