I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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