The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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