I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
All I want is dick and wine.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
