hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
