You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize