Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
