I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
