I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
