please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
