I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
