he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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