If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
