Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
