Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
