he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
