I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
