hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize