I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
