She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
