My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
