dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
