so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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