You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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