She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
