you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
