I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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