Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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