She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
