Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
