it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
