I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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