just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
