be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
