she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
