If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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