your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
