I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
