I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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