VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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