I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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