we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
