So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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