Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
