we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
