Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
