The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
