Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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