you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
