She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
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