Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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